Advice for Asst Prof stage 

Oct 27 2015 Published by under Careerism, Uncategorized

They will only stand up when you stand down.

17 responses so far

  • dr24hours says:

    I don't get it. Are you calling for a strike?

  • drugmonkey says:

    No

  • The New PI says:

    I think he's telling us to let the little birdies fly on their own....but it's so hard! Fly, little birdies, fly!!

  • pyrope says:

    Maybe they will stand up and applaud

  • duke of neural says:

    But would they throw up if I throw down?

  • Draino says:

    I forgot my access code to the mouse room because I haven't been there in a year and a half. Yay minions!

  • potnia theron says:

    Also: they will only speak up when you stfu

  • Anonymous says:

    But that's no excuse to lie down on the job.

  • DJMH says:

    *throws standing desk out the window*

  • poke says:

    STRIKE, STRIKE, STRIKE, ASS.PROFS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!!!!

  • lucy4eng says:

    Actually this sounds more like advice to Associate/Full Profs. Humpf, I am slightly disappointed 🙂 I was looking forward to the advice!

  • TreeFish says:

    My advice?

    Extract the wisdom from your elders, then use that wisdom to replace them slowly, methodically, respectfully, and professionally professional...like a reverse video of a sponge soaking blood from a headflap during a resection surgery.

    Keep the elders close enough so they can take some credit, but not close enough to steal your thunder.

    It's not a motherfukken carebears' tea party.

    No, it's go time.

    But, you can serve tea whilst you whoope some asse. Avoid the trampstamp on your nether-regions, but understand that you are competing with those upon whom a trampstamp may have been painted. The vivid, spectral show of the initial trampstamp fades, but your bad-ass inner ninja does not. No, my young friend, it grows at an almost uncontrollable and intolerable pace. Oh!!

    You, my young friend, are a bad-ass, motherfucken ninja.

    Stay hungry, and eat what is given. If that does not sustain your appetite(s), eat the ryche, but use clever, Machiavellian, local anesthetic so that by the thyme they realyze they are being eaten by a worthy window-shopping protege, it is according to your schedule.

    As a brilliant fly researcher explained to Eric the Great (and Nobel Prize winner) said, whilst they foughte over their Farma-startupz, "Eric, I am younger than you, so I will have the last word." Bully, wully, or Tully? Antidisirregardless, the fly-pilot from Peoria is on the money: my young friend, you have the last word.

    Don't fucke it uppe.

    TreeFish

  • dsks says:

    I generally leave them to their own devices, unless I happen to pass the lab and hear the sounds of joy and laughter.

    Then I go in and declare my plans to do an experiment that day. Which invariably involves me stealing their solutions and carefully prepared cells and irradiating the laboratory with 90's techno.

    There is nothing but doom, fear and senseless hopelessness in store for them when they leave the lab, anyway, so they might as well become accustomed to it now, imho.

  • Juan Lopez says:

    DM, Perhaps that was about toning down the micro management and letting the minions glow.

  • Mikka says:

    Yeah, us youngun ass profs are the sardaukar if science, survivors of the postdoc fighting pits, and we came here all hopped up on modafinil and adderall to eat your lunch, steal your equipment and crowd your grants out of study section, to enter the HHMI valhalla all shiny and chrome and McFeast with the immortans! Move over, mid career folk, the graybeards like us better than you because they are attracted to our irresistible youth and our chiseled torsos!

    (I know that was off topic but I got carried away by TreeFish' rousing speech)

  • Grumble says:

    Problem is, Mikka, that lots of asst profs are already old enough to have grey beards and soft thick middles. I don't remember my Dune-ology well enough to know whether there were any middle-aged Sardaukar.

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