Mar 04 2011 Published by drugmonkey under #FWDAOTI, BlogBlather, Debate and Discussion
What animals could you take in hand to hand* combat?
*damn pedantic scientists
32 responses so far
They have deadly claws. But I have quick(er) reflexes.
Pit bulls, dingos....that sort of thing.
Some primates. (Primates are really the only other animals with hands, aren't they?)
Bitchin' bunnies, mutant mice, raunchy rats...
Clams. They don't have hands, so I win by default.
Puppies. Definitely not bunnies:
It's not a trick question, pedants.
Lay offe the fucken govt dicthweed, fuckemonkey.
chickens. zooplankton. goldfish.
Hermm....I haven't had enough Blatz yet to give this question its due course of thought, but I'ma gonna go with it depends on what boots I'm wearing that particular day...squirrels are a no-brainer. Maybe a dog. To save a baybee I'd scale up...
Like maybe dinosaur. I cannot be more specific other than to say a medium sized one.
A tiger. But not a Charlie Sheen.
You people need help. OK
-could you take a deer?
With something other than a car?*
*I live in a state where there are a lot of deer/car accidents.
definitely not bunnies. I have tried and lost, many times....have the arm scratches to prove it.
DM: "-could you take a deer?"
Maybe a baby deer, I'd throw my bunny at it.
Once you get past the antlers, no problem. Getting past those...?
A small one.
A very small one.
A small wallaby?
I took two mice DOWN this week. Just sayin'.
does a cheeseweasel count as an animal?
Fuck it, I challenge a platypus to a fight. I don't care if they have the venomous barb on their back foot. And I'll fight the shit out of burrito.
The much more interesting question is how many 5 year old children could you take in a fight. 2? 5? 12? Think about it, the answer may surprise you.
As far as animals go, anything much smaller than me. Once we get up to about 50% my body weight, chimps and such, then probably not. I would not want to fight at chimp. Of course the real advantage to being human is that we wouldn't have to do this without tools.
Fuck it, I could take on a bear.
Blue whale. No problem.
Up until last Thursday, I would have said cats... but then I needed help from the vet tech to get my cat back into the carrier for the ride home. Sigh.
I feel pretty good about my odds against most invertebrates. Unless we are in the water-I want no part of a man-o-war. Small vertebrates and mammals up to the size of dogs (including mice-even Black 6 if there is a baybee on the line). Unless, of course, we are in the water. Or they are extra mean, like a badger or something.
Great white shark. No problem. One hand behind my back.
As long as - and this is very important - it's on land.
Ok, I gave this a little more thought. You think you can take a squirrel? Have you ever tried catching a squirrel?
But if the squirrel was for some reason attacking me, I think I could defend myself adequately. Probably. I might lose a finger first though.
Is this offense or defense? Am I defending or attacking. Where? Is there open room to maneuver?
I suspect that deer have antlers to deal with bears, and do so by poking out their eyes. They will charge with their head down, to straighten out their spine and put their mass behind their antlers. That is what I have seen on tv when males charge against each other.
My strategy would be to take off my shirt and sweater and attempt to cover up the deer's antlers and blind it by throwing dirt in its eye. Deer have a very wide field of vision, so there isn't that much overlap between eyes on the side. I would try to grab the antlers, wrestle it to the ground and keep it from being able to kick me.
If that fails, I would use the technique of the Valiant Little Tailor.
Seven at One Blow is my motto too. 😉
This thread is being monitored by all your IACUCs....just sayin.....
This is defense, AM, not research....
DrugMonkey is an NIH-funded researcher who blogs about careerism in science. And occasionally about the science of drug use.
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